Why We Compare Ourselves To Others and How To Stop

For as long as I can remember I have battled with comparison and I still continue to battle with it.

I have compared myself to others in so many aspects of my life such as my academics, what clothes I have, the type of phone I'm using, how big the house I live in is, the kind of jewelry I wear and so many other aspects of life.

I've always had this idea that mine had to be better than the guy or girl next door. 

Comparing yourself to others doesn't make you a bad person neither does it mean it's a good thing to do. It's perfectly normal and it's part of life's challenges.

Although comparison makes some of us feel better with ourselves, we forget that it's also short-lived and afterward we get this feeling of inadequacy, worthlessness, and overall unhappiness.

So now I'm going to ask the million-dollar question. 

Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others?

1. The belief that success looks a certain kind of way.

We think that for you to be successful you have to have all the money in the world, you must have graduated with honors, have a good-paying job, get married early, and kind of gotten your life all sorted out.

None of this is true. We fail to realize that success is different for every one of us. We have to find out what our definition of success is.

2. To learn about ourselves and discover who we are as a person.

Do you know that for you to understand the type of person you are or to be able to define yourself, there is always this reference point that is needed? 

Maybe you already have an idea of who you are, but for you to confirm this idea you tend to start comparing yourself to someone else that you feel is just like you.

3. Due to lack of appreciation and gratitude for what we already have.

You wouldn't notice what, another person has or what makes that person better than you if you are content with what you have and who you are. When we are not grateful we tend to look at others and start to ask ourselves questions like "Why don't I have this ?" Or "Why isn't mine better than his?" 

This might seem like a meaningless question but deep down in your subconscious, you are analyzing the different ways someone is better than you or what the person has that you don't.

4. Due to the constant need to evaluate ourselves 

The human being continues to evolve and adapt in different ways. This leads us to evaluate ourselves in order to find out how far we've come and how to get better. In summary, this evaluation is only possible when we have someone else to refer to.

This is why we compare ourselves to people similar to us or that have the same kind of goals and aspirations as us.

Finding out these reasons for comparing ourselves to others in the first place; Here's what we call a healthy or positive comparison and an unhealthy or negative comparison.

I'm sure you're wondering "How can comparing myself to another person be seen as healthy?"

Healthy/Positive Comparison

If you've compared yourself to someone and that person inspires and motivates you to achieve what he/she has achieved, the person makes you see that you might be on the right track to achieving the goals and dreams you have - that's a healthy comparison.

Here you have decided to use someone else as a reference point. This is sometimes helpful when we realize that the person has similar goals and aspirations to ours or has achieved similar goals we have.

Unhealthy/Negative Comparison

This entails you comparing yourself to someone and then having this feeling of inadequacy or envy towards the person. This sometimes results in you resenting the person. You also obsessively compare yourself to others. - this is an unhealthy comparison.

If you fall victim to unhealthy comparison it's okay to admit that you're envious towards another person's success but start doing something about it.

Now that you understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy comparison. 

How to stop comparing yourself to others in an unhealthy way.

1. Practice Gratitude which will in turn lead to contentment

To be grateful

Do we even know what that means? So many of us take this thing called life for granted. You should learn to be grateful for every day. You can start by writing down the things you are grateful for. 

These things shouldn't just be about being able to get educated or being able to afford a phone. It should be things like the breath of life, food to eat, water to drink, a roof over your head, and much more alike.

When you begin to practice such gratitude you would notice that every day, more and more you become content with what you have, who you are, and where you're headed. I'm sure you're thinking when you're content you won't want to move from where you are or you won't want to pursue any more goals or dreams

This is not the case. You still have your goals, you still want to get that dream job and buy that dream house but the difference is, you are now at peace with where you are and the circumstances you are surrounded by. You are enjoying the fact that you've made it this far. Now you realize that you are the only one that can define and decide how your life is going and where you want it to be.

2. Stop believing everything you see on social media

In a world that is digitally connected more than ever, you can get lost in all the noise around you. The worst part of all this noise is that it's never truly real. You end up comparing your life, your situation, or your accomplishments to someone you know nothing about.  

Do you know how long it took the person to get to where they are? Do you know all the sacrifices the person had to make to get to where they are? 

The answer is NO. So you have to realize that what you see on social media might just be someone's highlight reel. It's the good parts of their lives we all see. No one wants to be seen as suffering or going through a tough time all over social media.

So take a step back before you start to compare yourself to that Influencer or that YouTuber. Instead of browsing through the web saying "God when". Browse through the web and look for ways you can improve and achieve your desired goals. Don't forget Rome wasn't built in a day.

3. Acknowledge that being yourself is your superpower

Have you ever heard about being unique? Or authentic? Let me just say being original. An original copy, a one of a kind. That is who you are and no one can change that. No matter how much we may want to be like other people or want to walk in the same shoes as they do, there is no way we can emulate them completely.

Yes, there are a few habits and tricks we can pick up from other people but in the end, it's you, yourself, and you. The moment you understand that being you is the best version of yourself there is, trust me you wouldn't want to be like that Instagram hottie.

4. Learn to live for your expectations and not for the expectations of others 

Many of us compare ourselves so much that we lose track of what our own expectations are. We forget that we want to get promoted and not just get ahead of that Co-worker we feel is better than us. We forget we want to build our dream house and not just a house that's better than our neighbor's house. 

Yes, we get sidetracked along the line. Do you know why? Because we continue to compare ourselves to people every day (the unhealthy kind). Stop trying to live for other people's expectations and start living for you.

When you begin to live for your own expectations, comparing and living for others wouldn't even cross your mind.

To compare or not to compare?

At the end of it all, we begin to wonder if the comparison is needed. It's a personal choice. You can decide to compare yourself to another person or you can compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

The ball is in your court. 

Feel free to tell me your reason for comparing yourself to others and don't forget to share this post with someone you care about.